Nov 30, 2006

a vague glimmer of hope...

Can it possibly be true?

Page Six is reporting that LiLo is flirting..., not with a new man, but sobriety.

Good luck, honey. No, seriously, good luck.

[We need both a sarcasm and anti-sarcasm/sincerity font/symbol/etc. Our society demands it. Holly? Irony asterisk?]

That said, isn't the second word in AA anonymous?

It's pretty shitty for someone to go to an AA meeting and then call up Page Six. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would've probably done the same thing. But I would expect LiLo to retaliate by calling up my (hypothetical) boss and tell them about my (not so hypothetical) drinking problem.

This does help explain the mysterious "90 Days" Button she was sporting a while back.

You know, there's Narconon, Nicotine Anon and so on and so forth. And yet we lack the one thing that is most needed in LA for people like Lindsay - famewhorers anonymous.

I find it pretty amusing that I'm considering using the 12 Steps as a jumping off structure for my "favorites/best of/year in review" wrapup, which contains two LiLo movies.

No, Just My Luck is decidedly not one of them. Sorry, extremely hot guy who sometimes wore Krystal-baiting indie rock glasses.

However, if aforementioned movie is re-released on DVD with a LiLo commentary ("I hated this film...I hated this...seriously, I think I walked off set and did 20 lines in my trailer after this scene") and a special all-shirtless Chris Pine viewing option, well, that's another story.

Oh, man, they're so gosh darn cute together. Suits are *so* my kryptonite, though. And a semi-fresh faced and redheaded Lindsay makes me all misty and nostalgic. My, how times have changed. (that's Donna Karen, btw. And it's been less than a year between the two faces of LiLo).

So, LiLo, before you get good and sober, for real this time, have a "La Lohan" on me and Krystal (it's basically a redheaded slut, with a ton more booze) and know that I've got your crazy, cooch-flashing, potentially bisexual and/or lesbian, possibly self-mutilating back.

But while you're making life changes, you may want to consider getting some learning of some kind. We all read your Altman "tribute," and while your heart was in the right place, it wasn't helped by your mind being at the bottom of the Jack Daniels bottle (or you thinking it's acceptable to compose an eulogy on a BLACKBERRY!). So get yourself some schooling to undo having the last 6-7 years of your life be a haze-filled haze. BE ADEQUITE!

Besides the good news in the land of Lohan, that Page Six reports that 50 Cent put Oprah on blast. I hate the word Oreo and its implications, but his words ("[she]has been catering to middle-aged white American women for so long that she's become one herself") have the faint ring of truthiness about them, no? Disagree? One word: Hermes.

In yet another "Borat ruins lives!" tale, Page Six and ONTD report that a private screening of the movie may have been partially behind the Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock split. Frat boys are one thing, but Pamela's happiness? You have gone too far, sir!

She's better off, though. Also, Mommy Rock/Ritchie may have worn fur to one of the four weddings of her son to a super noted animal activist. So that might've been a factor.

ETA: Gosh darn it! I post this and then Defamer takes it on and does it so much better and funnier than I.

No comments: