britbot: unplugged and unhinged.

Sorry to the Greecies and my FB friends for posting this for the THIRD time today (though I keep my real life/FB life far from this blog, so never the twain shall meet...), but for those of you wondering what it would take to revive the blog after a brief coma, it is this HORROR. Or WHORE. Whichever. Either way, listen to the YouTube, ye followers, and despair:

Britney "performs" Alanis's "You Oughta Know" at her most recent stop on the Circus.

I've said it before, I'll say it again - here I thought admitting to having Dave Coulier's dick in her mouth on the regular would be most humilating thing Alanis would have to endure in her lifetime. Thanks, Miss Spears!

Here's the thing - why I gave up on Britney. (And I own "Circus", without shame, because man, that is one catchy-produced album) - she doesn't care. She is just going through the motions. Playing at the part. Nothing seems to penetrate her...cooterfunk? Weave?

(Apologies to Joss Whedon for using your lyrics like that.)

But she is clearly not attached to what she's singing. What she's doing. She isn't connecting with the songs. With the audience. With reality. And if she isn't connecting - if she doesn't care? Why on earth would I - or anyone in their right mind, for that matter? (yes, I know the words "right mind" and "britney post" are normally like oil and water) - pay an ungodly sum to watch this...half-assedness? Seriously, ticket prices are EXPENSIVE, YO. For anything. Given the venues she performs in (massive stadiums) and the evil evil corporations she's in bed with (Ticketmaster, Livenation, Whoever), those ticket prices be even more expensive, yo.

Here's a better idea that will save you some cash. If you're an Angeleno and like karaoke - or even if you don't like karaoke, but like cheap drinks and cool people - go to Bar 107's Karaoke Wednesdays. It is a BLAST. Word of warning: they have a GONG and will USE IT. Seriously. Miss Cooterfunk Red Bull Federline up there would have been gonged in a second. And they have 3 judges of wisdom/doom, just like on American Idol. But holy cats, I have seen some motherfracking BAD-ASS SINGERS up there. People who just get up and feel the song and OWN IT. A former Top Cheftestant? Bad-ass. Owned it. This random chick doing "Uninvited?" Owned it like she was Alanis herself.

Britney? DOESN'T OWN ANYTHING.

Before you think I'm just being mean and snarky, please note that she, legally, does not. She doesn't. The law took her children and the ability to make REALLY HARD DECISIONS like, oh, how to handle her bazillion dollars out of her hands. Legally, factually, I am correct in saying she DOESN'T OWN ANYTHING.

And that's the thing. I believe my singing in public should be confined to the car but if there's one thing I've learned from my adventures in karaoke - it's that you might not have the best voice. You might not be the best looking. But an audience will forgive you so much if you just FEEL IT. And own it.

Britney either can't feel any connection to music anymore or just doesn't. Either way, we should no longer feel any sort of obligation to connect to her. No matter how good she looked in that cheerleader's outfit a million years ago.

The sad thing is that I was feeling Alanis was in a really good place right now, culturally. I mean, I don't check in on Alanis that often - she never returns my calls. And yeah, losing your mans to ScarJo has got to blow. But I have been just loving her to death this season on Weeds. I am still not sure she can act that well or has a huge range - this, Dogma and SATC seem like minor variations on the same "type" - but she commanded the screen well enough to make me hope she continues to be a regular on next season. Which is more than I can say for half of Weeds's guest stars.

To bring it all together (yes, I know, after this ramble, that will be hard) - take one listen to Alanis tackle Sting's "King of Pain" from her Unplugged Album.

"Did you know karaoke is Japanese for 'empty orchestra'? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?" - HIMYM