mean girls, starring page six.

As I previously mentioned. I heart the blind items. I also love reading Gawker and the Post, even though NYC is driven by such different industries (publishing, fashion, etc.) than LA, so I have no idea who half the people mentioned *are.* In a weird way, that makes it more fun. They become these interesting creatures who I don't really know from movies/TV/whatever, but know all the gossip about. It's kinda like how I dig reading British mags like Tatler and British OK! (old-school version) at the doctor's office -- even though the former apparently has half the Parker-Bowlses on their writing staff.

All this is leading up to today's BIs from Page Six:

Just Asking
WHICH suave Latino actor has been tempting sociable cocktail waitresses to act out his sultry movie role scenes in the bathroom of a certain downtown hot spot? . . . WHICH "fauxcialite" has tongues wagging that her longtime boyfriend prefers men? She was overheard avoiding questions about their sex life at a Hamptons party, while he was spotted checking out guys.

The first one - probably Enrique Iglesias (Rico Suave...geddit?). I feel like the spouses of Marc Anthony and Antonio are too famous for a "don't tell his wife!" allusion not to be made. Or J. Lo is about to slit her fabulously-accessorized wrists. Whichever.

For the second - I'm thinking this Olivia Palermo person. I wanted it to be Tinsley Mortimer, because her hubby is cute in that blondish East Coast Preppy Way. And is named "Topper," which leads to all opportunities for puns. Plus, I'd get to call her "Ashley Winksdale," as Lily Allen did while schnockered.

But. She's a real socialite, whatever that means. And with a husband, not boyfriend.

Also, the first section of today's Page Six is all about how Olivia and Tinsley's massively bitchy bitchiness prevented them from helping out a Darfur benefit. [Complete with great headline: "Socialites' Snit Scars Benefit."] Not content to have one lady comment that these 'tards would cause the recently-deceased Brooke Astor to roll over in her grave, Page Six is totally gonna make us think your boyfriend's a homo. Good job, Palermo.

He does have some massive gayface going on in this picture, from her "fansite."

Fansite that she obviously runs herself. A quick glance at some previous Gawker stories reveals that she's like this insane pit of need for attention and self-promotion.

Hmm, reminds me of another "fauxcialite."

Now's probably the place where I should mention Darfur and genocide and caring, but Slate tells me that genocide is so over.

[No, really, they had an article on how we're pretty much immune to the word now.]