black velvet margarita

Something I just learned today -- Madonna born/Elvis died. Same day, different years.

There's a fantastic place on Cahuenga (ish?) called Velvet Margarita. You can stop in for a drink in the middle of the day and it feels like 1 a.m. when you walk through the door. Bring sunglasses, because when you walk back out, you'll be reacting like Spike on the Summer Solstice. Point being -- they *always* have some kitschy old Elvis movie playing on the gigantic plasmas over the bar. Always. Kick back, enjoy a frosty pina colada (they have many, many variations of the margarita, most of which are great) and have some laughs.

Meanwhile, Alannah Myles's purr tells us what it was all about.

[One of my favorite songs ever and I had to look her name up. One-hit wonder much?]

When I was clicking through the rest of the NY Post, I found that Bob Marley is now the number one object of black velvet paintings. Make of it what you will.

The odd thing is that his music doesn't have much emotional resonance to/for me. So I'm kinda befuddled as to the massive lines around Graceland and candlelight vigils to memorialize someone these people didn't even *know*. It seems so silly somehow and yet...doesn't.

But I suppose that's true of so many things in life.

mean girls, starring page six.

As I previously mentioned. I heart the blind items. I also love reading Gawker and the Post, even though NYC is driven by such different industries (publishing, fashion, etc.) than LA, so I have no idea who half the people mentioned *are.* In a weird way, that makes it more fun. They become these interesting creatures who I don't really know from movies/TV/whatever, but know all the gossip about. It's kinda like how I dig reading British mags like Tatler and British OK! (old-school version) at the doctor's office -- even though the former apparently has half the Parker-Bowlses on their writing staff.

All this is leading up to today's BIs from Page Six:

Just Asking
WHICH suave Latino actor has been tempting sociable cocktail waitresses to act out his sultry movie role scenes in the bathroom of a certain downtown hot spot? . . . WHICH "fauxcialite" has tongues wagging that her longtime boyfriend prefers men? She was overheard avoiding questions about their sex life at a Hamptons party, while he was spotted checking out guys.

The first one - probably Enrique Iglesias (Rico Suave...geddit?). I feel like the spouses of Marc Anthony and Antonio are too famous for a "don't tell his wife!" allusion not to be made. Or J. Lo is about to slit her fabulously-accessorized wrists. Whichever.

For the second - I'm thinking this Olivia Palermo person. I wanted it to be Tinsley Mortimer, because her hubby is cute in that blondish East Coast Preppy Way. And is named "Topper," which leads to all opportunities for puns. Plus, I'd get to call her "Ashley Winksdale," as Lily Allen did while schnockered.

But. She's a real socialite, whatever that means. And with a husband, not boyfriend.

Also, the first section of today's Page Six is all about how Olivia and Tinsley's massively bitchy bitchiness prevented them from helping out a Darfur benefit. [Complete with great headline: "Socialites' Snit Scars Benefit."] Not content to have one lady comment that these 'tards would cause the recently-deceased Brooke Astor to roll over in her grave, Page Six is totally gonna make us think your boyfriend's a homo. Good job, Palermo.

He does have some massive gayface going on in this picture, from her "fansite."

Fansite that she obviously runs herself. A quick glance at some previous Gawker stories reveals that she's like this insane pit of need for attention and self-promotion.

Hmm, reminds me of another "fauxcialite."

Now's probably the place where I should mention Darfur and genocide and caring, but Slate tells me that genocide is so over.

[No, really, they had an article on how we're pretty much immune to the word now.]

strike a juxtapose!

Okay, we've all seen examples of horribly ironic/inappropriate placement of ads on a webpage.

Now I give you the funniest thing ever posted on College "Humor," ever. And I don't think it was intentional. So, bros, dudes, and dudebros - Lauren wrote this totally awesome piece "Irrelevant Nostalgia at $25 bucks a pop!" It's about making fun of hipster pop-culture T-shirts.

Now guess who is one of CH.com's biggest advertisers and chose to place an ad next to said piece? Come on, take a guess ...


P3NED! & Shamed! It's like they're tea-bagging themselves, really.

[Actually, Wiki reveals that their parent company *owns* Busted Tees, so they really are tea-bagging themselves. And are displaying massive amounts of stupidity.]

Granted, it's not like I'm an expert on funny or have zillions of dollars from selling out to Barry Diller. But the site, on the whole, is painfully unfunny. Yeah, some of the pictures sent in are amusing and kinda LULZ-worthy. But that's content from users. Not CH's "created" content.

Case in point: "Guy Tries To Impress His Friends By Singing The Fast Part to Hook by Blues Traveler."

It's *exactly* what it sounds like. Just the lyrics, slightly f'ed-up.

That's not even a joke -- it's barely a concept for a joke.

Also, incoming college freshmen are apparently living in the early 90s.

technical difficulties

Sorry about the gankiness of the "read more" cuts. I *think* I followed the instructions properly when I changed the template. But it's seemingly screwed up. Ah, to be in high school and a minor tech geek again.

you can't spell 'meme'...

Without 'me.' And you can't spell 'procrastination' without 'contains airports.'

Way back around the 4th-ish of July, the lovely and talented Catherine Cantieri "tagged" me for this internet meme thing. So while I could make excuses, there really isn’t a good one. So without further adieu, let’s get into Eight Things You’ve Always Wanted to Know About Me but Were Afraid to Ask. But first –

THE RULES
1. All right, here are the rules.
2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
5. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Now, 8 Things About Me....

• I auditioned to host American Idol. Not sing for. Host. So it could be me frosting my tips and making out with Teri Hatcher. I’m still trying to wonder whether the massive pay would be worth it. But you know that I’d do a better job on the Oscar carpet.

• Naturally, I’ve never seen a (full) episode of the show. I’ve also never seen The Sopranos. Or read a Harry Potter book.

• I don’t need the show to embarrass myself. I sing in the car. Like, really sing – full out belting at the top of my lungs. I also try my best to “match” the singer’s voice and give a performance where I really “feel” the song, dawg.
  

• I can’t whistle or blow bubbles. I’ve tried my entire life and nope. Not happening. Feel free to insert your own joke about my tongue/mouth in other arenas.

• Even though I’m a semi-closeted Southerner, my favorite theme park is still Dollywood. I don’t care for country music too much, but their rides are fun and their funnel cake is heavenly. More importantly, it’s located in Pigeon Forge, which is like this massive explosion of tourist kitsch. Bungee-jumping! Rock-tumbling! Bumper cars! Pretty much any ridiculously cheesy thing you’ve always wanted to do? It’s there.

• I have a mild allergy to rich dark chocolate. It makes me sneezy. Horribly, I love rich dark chocolate and used to mock my sister for this same allergy when we were younger. Because the universe has a sick sense of humor, I developed it.

• I hate quizzes/multiple-choice “personality tests” in any way, shape or form. This is probably because my dad has a psych degree, so I was exposed to the concept at an early age. So I spend a lot of time reverse-engineering them to try to get the desired result and wondering what answers “they” want to get. Plus, I always want to answer “maybe” or in-between two answers. I draw the line at the Cosmo quiz.

• I have a problem with authority. I always think I know better. Wishy-washy types will tell you that it makes me an “indigo child.” But it kinda makes me a prick who doesn't like to play by the rules. Your call. I don’t even think I know eight people with (non-Myspace) blogs, so I’m making a list of as many as I can and tagging a few. As I said. Problem with authority. Not naming names, but one person flat-out refused when I asked him/her in person.
  

The Red Lipstick Lounge

The Summer Stix

Now Get Your Fuckin' Shinebox

Film & Food

Snarkastic

This. That. No other.

I know that's not eight. I iz bad at maths. And really need to embrace the blogging community more.