So, Calliope and I reunited last Sunday. Sure, she may just be using me for her Buffy fix because I got her completely addicted, but I love her anyway. We venture to Swork because Kay needs our company-slash-is using us to bring her food.
Anyways, it's been like a thousand degrees in LA, so a blended beverage seemed like the frosty, reasonable choice. Kay claims she can do a strawberry shake but that's another one of her lies. Because the gelato was raspberry. Point being, she orders me up a specialty shake. Mitzye and I are counter-bound, waiting for our refreshments.
I notice the boy baristas talking while fixing my shake.
Me: Why are they making fun of my milkshake?
Callipe, with complete deadpan sincerity: Because it brings all the boys to the yard?
I still have no words, people. No words.
Aug 8, 2005
Aug 5, 2005
Is it live or is it Memorex?
This is terrifying:
Ladies and gentlemen, that's a wax figurine of Miss Simpson. One which is completely indistinguishable from the "starlet" herself. And one that likely contains less plastic. Jessucka was just the cohost of "Live with Regis and Kelly" and the same dead-eyed, Jaws-Wide-Open look never left her face. Even though Kelly Ripa proved herself to be quite a sly, stone-cold bitch by dissing Jessica repeatedly to her face with such a "ha!, we're joking because we're gal pals" layer smeared on top of a "I will cut you" undercurrent. All Jessica could do was laugh, smile, insert a half-thought and continue on without either realizing that she was getting slammed or being too feebile to manage even the slightest banter back.
My point is that it's not just her looks, it's her very personality that makes her so beyond fake. You can gaze and gaze but there's no there there. It's like looking at those burnt-out shadows of where objects should be after a Nuke blast.
Or you could believe your own eyes:
The amazing thing is that "I put the 'ho' back into 'house of wax' " (hi, Paris!) and this jackhole dude have more chemistry than she demonstrates with Nick Lachey these days.
ETA: Hmm, ohnotheydidnt just now wrote about this a day later. But you heard it here first!
And GFYself totally started with the "real or wax jess" a day or two later. TINFOIL HATS!
Ladies and gentlemen, that's a wax figurine of Miss Simpson. One which is completely indistinguishable from the "starlet" herself. And one that likely contains less plastic. Jessucka was just the cohost of "Live with Regis and Kelly" and the same dead-eyed, Jaws-Wide-Open look never left her face. Even though Kelly Ripa proved herself to be quite a sly, stone-cold bitch by dissing Jessica repeatedly to her face with such a "ha!, we're joking because we're gal pals" layer smeared on top of a "I will cut you" undercurrent. All Jessica could do was laugh, smile, insert a half-thought and continue on without either realizing that she was getting slammed or being too feebile to manage even the slightest banter back.
My point is that it's not just her looks, it's her very personality that makes her so beyond fake. You can gaze and gaze but there's no there there. It's like looking at those burnt-out shadows of where objects should be after a Nuke blast.
Or you could believe your own eyes:
The amazing thing is that "I put the 'ho' back into 'house of wax' " (hi, Paris!) and this jackhole dude have more chemistry than she demonstrates with Nick Lachey these days.
ETA: Hmm, ohnotheydidnt just now wrote about this a day later. But you heard it here first!
And GFYself totally started with the "real or wax jess" a day or two later. TINFOIL HATS!
Well, there goes my non-innocence...
Thanks to StickyKeys, I checked out ohnotheydidn't this very early morning (late night, whatever, semantics) and feel so bummed out:
[image ganked from Getty, obviously]
Hell to the nah.
Let's all be greatful he's still hung like a horse, okay? To think that Owen is the one with the stallion-based nickname. If anyone would like to send evidence, reports, him to my house to confirm this rumor, that'd be great.
Because it helps to focus on a happy place. Other than the fact that I need to gain (yet more) weight so that I can wear that incredible suit. It's so gorgeous that I wouldn't even want him to step out of it -- which may be good, considering the girth Vince is displaying, and not the fun girth either.
In completely unrelated news, I bring you two recent items of note from some celeb boards:
From the BI Thread, from 7/31's NYDN:
To quote Brittany Murphy: "I've never even seen cocaine."
[image ganked from Getty, obviously]
Hell to the nah.
Let's all be greatful he's still hung like a horse, okay? To think that Owen is the one with the stallion-based nickname. If anyone would like to send evidence, reports, him to my house to confirm this rumor, that'd be great.
Because it helps to focus on a happy place. Other than the fact that I need to gain (yet more) weight so that I can wear that incredible suit. It's so gorgeous that I wouldn't even want him to step out of it -- which may be good, considering the girth Vince is displaying, and not the fun girth either.
In completely unrelated news, I bring you two recent items of note from some celeb boards:
From the BI Thread, from 7/31's NYDN:
Which actor, shooting a film opposite a certain tabloid-fodder actress, is popular on the set, even though he needs a break between each take to accommodate his monster cocaine habit?We also happened to discuss "coke bloat" on the "Everything You Wanted to Know About" thread. If anyone else has more info or scientific theories, that'd be awesome. For research purposes, of course.
To quote Brittany Murphy: "I've never even seen cocaine."
Aug 1, 2005
Dear Hollywood -- Look at how Trendsetting I am!
It's become obvious to me that my friends and I have some brilliant, trend-setting taste -- essentially, we're trendy and rich and famous without having the benefits of money or power or whatnot.
Case in point: The Broadway Bar. It's right by the Orpheum (or is partly inside it?) and is from the creators of the old, reliable Golden Gopher. The interior is gorgeously dark and oak-y, with black-and-gold brocaded wallpaper, an indie-heavy jukebox, et cetera. The first time I went there with Krystal, about three and a half weeks ago, it was notable for two things.
1) A bad, bad bartender lady. How bad? She served Krystal a Salty Dog straight-up in a martini glass. And granted, she did ask Krystal, who wasn't paying attention enough to answer but still. Even worse? She asked a guy what was in an Irish Car Bomb. How incompetent can you be? It's really unfair and troubling because I see people like this gainfully employed in the bartending arena yet I am not. And I would be the best bartender ever -- in part because I'm flirty and partly because I'm a lush.
2) The complete and utter lack of people. Maybe fifteen people in the entire bar, including bartenders. It was a barren, post-apocalyptic wasteland, with booze.
The next time? Still barren, only with a cameo from Frodo himself. Good god, Elijah Wood is both extremely short and possibly heterosexual. He was there with a cute-ish girl. Krystal harassed him using the "you look familiar - did we go to school together" bit?
This past Saturday, it was packed. Brim-filled with hot hipsters and tarts. Alas, Krystal was too tired to mingle. I did finally get to see the upstairs, though, and I highly recommend the couch. Balcony is kind of lacking, view-wise, unless a dilapadated board-up building counts as scenic.
Many moons ago, Mitzye and I wished to visit the Hollywood Roosevelt hotel. In part due to the ghosts of Marilyn Monroe and Montgomery Clift -- man, what sad, depressing, drunk/pill-popping ghosts those must be. But now Mitzye can't even get it because there's a list and Lohan is all sunbathing at the pool. Defamer claims that the renovator/promoter lady says that she wants "really great, interesting people"
Umm, hello? We're right here. Sigh. If I am going to be a trend-setter, I want the trappings (money, power, influence, groupies) that come with that. I'm tired of just giving it away for free. So would all restauranteurs, club-owners, hotel moguls and such please be advised that if you want success, you have to court me first.
Case in point: The Broadway Bar. It's right by the Orpheum (or is partly inside it?) and is from the creators of the old, reliable Golden Gopher. The interior is gorgeously dark and oak-y, with black-and-gold brocaded wallpaper, an indie-heavy jukebox, et cetera. The first time I went there with Krystal, about three and a half weeks ago, it was notable for two things.
1) A bad, bad bartender lady. How bad? She served Krystal a Salty Dog straight-up in a martini glass. And granted, she did ask Krystal, who wasn't paying attention enough to answer but still. Even worse? She asked a guy what was in an Irish Car Bomb. How incompetent can you be? It's really unfair and troubling because I see people like this gainfully employed in the bartending arena yet I am not. And I would be the best bartender ever -- in part because I'm flirty and partly because I'm a lush.
2) The complete and utter lack of people. Maybe fifteen people in the entire bar, including bartenders. It was a barren, post-apocalyptic wasteland, with booze.
The next time? Still barren, only with a cameo from Frodo himself. Good god, Elijah Wood is both extremely short and possibly heterosexual. He was there with a cute-ish girl. Krystal harassed him using the "you look familiar - did we go to school together" bit?
This past Saturday, it was packed. Brim-filled with hot hipsters and tarts. Alas, Krystal was too tired to mingle. I did finally get to see the upstairs, though, and I highly recommend the couch. Balcony is kind of lacking, view-wise, unless a dilapadated board-up building counts as scenic.
Many moons ago, Mitzye and I wished to visit the Hollywood Roosevelt hotel. In part due to the ghosts of Marilyn Monroe and Montgomery Clift -- man, what sad, depressing, drunk/pill-popping ghosts those must be. But now Mitzye can't even get it because there's a list and Lohan is all sunbathing at the pool. Defamer claims that the renovator/promoter lady says that she wants "really great, interesting people"
Umm, hello? We're right here. Sigh. If I am going to be a trend-setter, I want the trappings (money, power, influence, groupies) that come with that. I'm tired of just giving it away for free. So would all restauranteurs, club-owners, hotel moguls and such please be advised that if you want success, you have to court me first.
May 8, 2005
family guy: back from the dead...like that zombie that's slow moving yet needs a bullet directly to the head
So I'm back in the South for the following festivities:
1) Livia's graduation
2) Mother's Day
3) My sister's Graduation
Three divas, three days of reckoning - err, celebration. No survivors! Except Harlowe/Moran, naturally.
Point being, due to some technical difficulties, I can't watch DH right now from the Tivo. So I'm taking a gander at the Family Guy/American Dad tape I recorded, because I was curious about the resurrected show.
What was I thinking? Okay, yes, maybe my standards were different because I was so depressed I'd watch anything on TV and Adult Swim airs very late, so my brain is usually off at that point. But my affection for FG is gone, baby, gone.
It's one thing to make pop culture references or parody things. It's quite another to rely on nothing else for humor. Plus, the references seem to be so all over the place that the odds are slim-to-none that everyone will "get" the references. While I don't think writers should worry about such things excessively, it seems like FG just makes the joke so that hipsters can pat themselves on the back for saying "oh, I got that!"
Then there are things like the opening Law and Order "parody." Just a complete rip-off of the opening credits of L&O, done exactly the same. That's not clever or satire or parody, that's just copying something and thinking its funny by itself. Oh my god, look, it's just like the L&O credits...isn't that hilarious? Or maybe it's simply just the credits and we're supposed to think it's funny because oh, gee, the FG credits are done like L&O.
My main problem is the non-sequitor cutaways. You know the set-up, someone makes a comment like "this was worse thn so-and-so" and we cutaway to that, with it being weird or unexpected or whatever. But the problem is that when this is done 12 times an episode, the unexpected quality of it disappears and the non-sequitor becomes, well, a sequitor.
FG is now predictable in its unpredictability, which is bad because the show really relies on little else for humor.
Oh, I'll still watch, but the original love has vanished. Plus, the sad thing is that you know that the show isn't going to "improve" or try to come up with new types of jokes because they've been resurrected by a fanatic fanbase. I hate to throw stones at my own young male demographic, but come on guys, it has its moments, but snarking on Affleck or "Good Will Hunting" is about as far from fresh as one gets.
1) Livia's graduation
2) Mother's Day
3) My sister's Graduation
Three divas, three days of reckoning - err, celebration. No survivors! Except Harlowe/Moran, naturally.
Point being, due to some technical difficulties, I can't watch DH right now from the Tivo. So I'm taking a gander at the Family Guy/American Dad tape I recorded, because I was curious about the resurrected show.
What was I thinking? Okay, yes, maybe my standards were different because I was so depressed I'd watch anything on TV and Adult Swim airs very late, so my brain is usually off at that point. But my affection for FG is gone, baby, gone.
It's one thing to make pop culture references or parody things. It's quite another to rely on nothing else for humor. Plus, the references seem to be so all over the place that the odds are slim-to-none that everyone will "get" the references. While I don't think writers should worry about such things excessively, it seems like FG just makes the joke so that hipsters can pat themselves on the back for saying "oh, I got that!"
Then there are things like the opening Law and Order "parody." Just a complete rip-off of the opening credits of L&O, done exactly the same. That's not clever or satire or parody, that's just copying something and thinking its funny by itself. Oh my god, look, it's just like the L&O credits...isn't that hilarious? Or maybe it's simply just the credits and we're supposed to think it's funny because oh, gee, the FG credits are done like L&O.
My main problem is the non-sequitor cutaways. You know the set-up, someone makes a comment like "this was worse thn so-and-so" and we cutaway to that, with it being weird or unexpected or whatever. But the problem is that when this is done 12 times an episode, the unexpected quality of it disappears and the non-sequitor becomes, well, a sequitor.
FG is now predictable in its unpredictability, which is bad because the show really relies on little else for humor.
Oh, I'll still watch, but the original love has vanished. Plus, the sad thing is that you know that the show isn't going to "improve" or try to come up with new types of jokes because they've been resurrected by a fanatic fanbase. I hate to throw stones at my own young male demographic, but come on guys, it has its moments, but snarking on Affleck or "Good Will Hunting" is about as far from fresh as one gets.
Feb 18, 2005
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead.
More than just a great Clive Owen film*, people. It's a way of life for me.
Like 7:15 and no sleep. Technically, I got a prescription to prevent this wacky nocturnal sleep cycle. Yet I lied to my doctor and said I was doing better. Another strand in the web of lies. [new Harlowe/Moran slogan, anyone?]
So I'm buzzed and horny and trying not to think about my life. Because when I do, panic ensues.
Assorted thoughts:
1) "Cabaret" needs a new DVD transfer right quick. I'm not one of those freaky high-def/digital film is the future advocates - I love the film medium and its inherent quirks. That said? A bit much with the grain on this disc.
2) After getting frisked and waiting in line for 20 minutes, "Be Cool" disappointed me. The Rock does however have the funniest "monologue" in perhaps the history of cinema. I mean, besides Julia Stiles as Ophelia. Because her dying? HI-larious. Strangely, the two top billed stars (Uma and Jonny T) probably have the least screentime. Christina Milian isn't as bad as most singer/actors. She pretty and has a certain je ne suis screen presence. Maybe she'll be a a real actress one day. Overall, the film is too long and cluttered by half. Yet has bits of magic to redeem it -- double-V as a wigga deluxe, the dance of Thur-volta 2:Electric Bugaloo. Worth a matinee, but not Arclight prices. More at FameTracker.
Note to F. Gary Gray: Uma Thurman is not an unattractive woman. However, she does need to be shot properly to bring out her unique beauty. Please return to music videos until you learn how to film a beautiful woman. Words I never thought I'd type: Uma's fug is like whoa in this film except for two, 3 scenes at most.
3) TiVo is the greatest invention ever, How else would I find this compelling "New York Fashion Week Wrap-Up" show? I can not wait until they show LaLopez premiering her fall line. Yes, mysteriously, a week in January determines the FALL LINE of the year. I don't get it either. My screen now shows a model named "Mini Anden." Which is totally my new ALIAS at hotels.
LISTEN TO THIS: "Vivrant Thing" by QTip, "Erotic City" by Prince. And the Timbalandian (?) goodness of Ludacris and Shawna's "Shake that Shit."
*better than "Closer" - a colder performance, but a better one.
Like 7:15 and no sleep. Technically, I got a prescription to prevent this wacky nocturnal sleep cycle. Yet I lied to my doctor and said I was doing better. Another strand in the web of lies. [new Harlowe/Moran slogan, anyone?]
So I'm buzzed and horny and trying not to think about my life. Because when I do, panic ensues.
Assorted thoughts:
1) "Cabaret" needs a new DVD transfer right quick. I'm not one of those freaky high-def/digital film is the future advocates - I love the film medium and its inherent quirks. That said? A bit much with the grain on this disc.
2) After getting frisked and waiting in line for 20 minutes, "Be Cool" disappointed me. The Rock does however have the funniest "monologue" in perhaps the history of cinema. I mean, besides Julia Stiles as Ophelia. Because her dying? HI-larious. Strangely, the two top billed stars (Uma and Jonny T) probably have the least screentime. Christina Milian isn't as bad as most singer/actors. She pretty and has a certain je ne suis screen presence. Maybe she'll be a a real actress one day. Overall, the film is too long and cluttered by half. Yet has bits of magic to redeem it -- double-V as a wigga deluxe, the dance of Thur-volta 2:Electric Bugaloo. Worth a matinee, but not Arclight prices. More at FameTracker.
Note to F. Gary Gray: Uma Thurman is not an unattractive woman. However, she does need to be shot properly to bring out her unique beauty. Please return to music videos until you learn how to film a beautiful woman. Words I never thought I'd type: Uma's fug is like whoa in this film except for two, 3 scenes at most.
3) TiVo is the greatest invention ever, How else would I find this compelling "New York Fashion Week Wrap-Up" show? I can not wait until they show LaLopez premiering her fall line. Yes, mysteriously, a week in January determines the FALL LINE of the year. I don't get it either. My screen now shows a model named "Mini Anden." Which is totally my new ALIAS at hotels.
LISTEN TO THIS: "Vivrant Thing" by QTip, "Erotic City" by Prince. And the Timbalandian (?) goodness of Ludacris and Shawna's "Shake that Shit."
*better than "Closer" - a colder performance, but a better one.
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