and for those wondering why the Times is failing.

Ahem.

Calender?    Really?

Granted, I suppose the blame really lies with KTLA's corner promo copyeditor (or lack thereof), but still.  

On the subject of the CW - okay, so, the premieres of GG and 902.0 gave us Tinsley Mortimer, Jay McInerney, Cory Kennedy and the Cobrasnake.  Are we sure that the whole thing isn't being funded by Gawker/Defamer?  

But props to ANTM for finally admitting that Tyra is an evil robot bent on our destruction.

Minus for being the escapism I turned to to get away from Palin, only to introduce yet another annoying Alaskan in the form of Hannah.  Who, during the electoral issues-themed photoshoot, memorably proclaimed that she knew nuclear weapons were bad, but didn't really know how she felt about them.   This makes her about equal to Sarah Palin in terms of political savvy, who admitted that she hadn't "really focused much on the war in Iraq" but whose oldest son is being deployed there shortly.

jock inch(es)/french twist

So while unable to sleep due to the thrilling international events going on closer to home (namely, a Scot taking up a large portion of my bed), I stumbled upon the strange and thrilling world of Olympic coverage of random events no one watches.

But, oh, they should.  Because:

Badminton Player Przemyslaw Wacha, of Poland [Sven Heise's image stolen from here].

I caught about five seconds of the match, but clearly he is worth investigating further.  Not merely for the endless, easy "Pole" and "shuttlecock" jokes.  There's  "invading him by surprise like it was 1939" just for starters.  ;)

It should be noted that I've *yet* to watch the opening ceremonies because, well, NBC was foolish enough not to air them live and I had the chance to catch up with an old  friend.  Over dinner, we discussed how the gorgeous and talented Carla Bruni [fine, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy] is quickly becoming my obsession and the coolest woman alive.  Among our fascinating recent discoveries?  She (a) found her first meeting with him incredibly awkward because she hadn't voted for him  and (b) her worth when they wed was 20 times her husband's.  AWKWARD. And totally awesome.  I bought her album at Amoeba and will return with my review forthwith. Yes, she's a model turned singer turned First Lady.  But she's cool anyway.  Because she, as they say, keeps it real.  Her VF cover pullquote?  "It's not that I had a lot of lovers - it's that I never hide them."  C'est bad-ass.  

Meanwhile, because one (or several) good turn deserves another and because he indirectly inspired this Olympic hottie post, I must refer you to bstewart doing his part for his Canadian countrymen by, well, showing us the parts of his Canadian countrymen.

  

counterprogramming

Now needs a new dictionary definition, because why waste time with this:
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Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This

coun·ter·pro·gram /ˈkaʊntərˌproʊgræm, ‑grəm/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[koun-ter-proh-gram, ‑gruhm]
Pronunciation verb, -gramed or -grammed, -gram·ing or -gram·ming.

–verb (used with object)

1.	to schedule (a broadcast on radio or television) to compete with one on another station.

–verb (used without object)

2.	to engage in such scheduling of broadcasts.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
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When one could simply show this?:

[Shamelessly ganked from Salon's uncanny Meryl v. Joker side-by-side; via Universal Studios/Peter Mountain; Warner Bros. Pictures]

I don't want to rain on the nonstop buzz of The Dark Knight hype machine, but while everyone is OMGHeathIsTehBestActorEvah!, can Miss Amanda Seyfried get some love? From her ingenious comic timing in Mean Girls (justly and acutely analyzed here in Salon), to brilliantly inhabiting the Laura Palmer-shaped negative space on S1 of Veronica Mars and now her totally Emmy-snubbed work this season of Big Love. K. and I marathoned it on DVD and I was more and more impressed by her in each episode. Some of the best work of portraying the unbearable lightness of being a teenage girl since Buffy, maybe ever. Coltish yet confused, ripe yet weary. SNUBBED, I tell ya!

Amanda is working it like no other in the new t(w)eendom VF spread, though. Almost outshining Blake Lively and if you've read my GG posts, you know my crush on Blake (well, B as S, really). Kristen Stewart (whoever the frack she is) looks like Alexis Bleidel gone horribly awry.

No doubt, I'll rant more about the Emmys later but congrats to Amy Poehler! Remember, she's being nominated (and hopefully winning) for two now.

Ohh, shit. I think I might already need to take out a restraining order on Salon's behalf against TDK's fanboys. Back off my gal Stephanie Zacharek, okay? I don't always agree with her and her reviews sometimes have some left-fieldy remarks, but she's one of the most interesting, *engaged* and thoughtful critics around, and those are becoming few and far between. She LOVES film and adores actors (scroll down) in a way few seldom do - and has the internet so eroded what film criticism means that it's now okay to criticize (by which I mean "rip to shreds with personal attacks") someone because she *dared* to criticize a movie you haven't even seen yet?

You know, as someone who went to film school and has been known to get deconstructiony from time to time and yet tries for a popcult irreverent blog, I - like many others, such as poor Glenn Kenny - are trying to figure what is and should be happening in the world of film criticism. But we deserve better than fanboy hive mind bullshit and anon flame attacks.

However, feel free to flame away anonymously in the comments because at least I'll know someone is reading.

what if they held an academic conference...

And didn't invite me.  More specifically, an academic conference where experts discussed "trainwreck female celebs."  According to CNN's story, topics included "Britney's Tears: The Abject Female Celebrity in Postemotional Society" and "Hooker, Victim and/or Doormat: Lindsay Lohan and the Culture of Celebrity Notoriety."  

Look, I'm fine with not getting invited to the latest club opening.  Or your party.  But this?  So not fair.  Someone as celeb-obsessed as I am, who also has the 4(ish) years of film school-induced "gift" of postmodern deconstruction.  (Though, let's be honest, I've being doing it forever.)  Come on!  I wrote a 10+ page paper parsing the greater meaning of Lohan and arguing for her as a gay icon - and I did it in a hour.  At a bar.  [Hey, know thy subject, right?]    I realize how this highbrow/lowculture thing can be annoying and pretentious.  But sometimes I love turning on that switch.  You should see me at my decidedly non-Oprah-sponsored Book Club.  

What do I have to do to earn me a slot?  Because, look, I will suffer through I Know Who Killed Me once more to analyze how she is a hooker/victim *and* doormat, not to mention the Jungian symbolism of doubling/the "other" and all the blatant Lynch references/rip-offs.

I won't enjoy it, but I will do it </that'swhatshesaid!>

Speaking of Lindsay and the gays - is it wrong that her potential lesbian wedding is the celeb gay wedding I'm most thrilled for?  Look, I know she's young and crazy, but Sam has, by all accounts, been a hugely stabilizing influence for her.  And OMG, formal leggings?  Can you even imagine?  She'll go back into her clotheshorse/fashion plate days and it'll be straight from the SATC:Movie wedding dress montage.  And part of real equality means allowing our bi/lesbian celebutantes can get just as rashly married as the straight ones.

Vote no on the November amendment, duh.  I'm licking my post-Hillary wounds by remembering that Obama = youth voters, youth voters = okay with the gays.  Though the FISA compromise is straight-up bullshit.

Speaking of, Salon had some great articles - Rebecca Traister argued that the PUMAs still have their claws out.  Walter Shapiro says that the kittens will be tamed.    It stands for "party unity my ass," and as Becca says, it sounds like an angry cougar.   Interesting reads and more they're better at talking politics than I could ever be.

you could've prevented this...

As previously mentioned, I could've been the host for American Idol.    Seriously.  I auditioned.

Which means that there's some alternate universe in which Ryan Seacrest is, quite justifiably, not famous and using that fame for pure, unadulterated evil.  Pure unadulterated evil in the form of producing yet another apocalypse-baiting reality show.  

Look, I want to do unspeakable things to Brody Jenner, but emphasis on unspeakable - as in, he shouldn't.  Ever.   The sad thing about this "Who wants to be a hanger-on to a wannabe?" show is that the idea was floated about in a Details article from, like, a year and a half ago.  An article in which Spencer Pratt, unsurprisingly, comes off as the most desperately craven person alive. The sadder thing is that the only thing more boring than Entourage is a "real" version of it, combined with the dating-as-extreme-sport genre MTV does so well.  

Just imagine that alternate universe for a bit: a world without spin-offs of The Hills (which was a spin-off itself, mind you).  Without Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  Without Denise Richards: It's Complicated.

True, The Soup might be more boring.  But the world would be a better place.